Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
