I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
