She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
