So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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