Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
