I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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