somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
