I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
