first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
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