dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
