Apparently you make a good broom.
Your dad touched me again.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize