We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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