Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
