I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just tell him i said nine months
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
