Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize