someone owes me an orgasm
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Is it penis luge time yet?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
