we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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