Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
