She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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