Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
