Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
