He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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