Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
