I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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