she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Randomize
