I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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