ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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