He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Randomize
