Dual....:-)
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
