If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
