What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
