The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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