dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
