I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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