as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
