How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
