So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
