Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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