Nicole vs. Life
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
