She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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