it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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