OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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