i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
