my phone needs a breathalizer
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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