The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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