paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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