honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
