I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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