Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
