I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
