apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
