Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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