Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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