he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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