two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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