I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Randomize
