Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
