A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
