Is it because I queefed?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I wear drunk well.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
