just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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