This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
