I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
