Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
