And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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