When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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