took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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