cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
