Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
