This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
