My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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