I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
