hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
