im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
