i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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