if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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