Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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