He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
