No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
