He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
