I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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