my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
