I CAN MOONWALK!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
