I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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