We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
