I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
