if only i could text you this smell
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
