Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
two words...techno handjob
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
