Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
