ugly people sure do ruin things
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
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