Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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