you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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