His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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