just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
