my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
