We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
