The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
