I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
