There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
