No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
