I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
