I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
