Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
