drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
